Where the rubber meets the road

Tomorrow I begin the all-liquid phase of surgery prep.  From tomorrow through August 11, I can have just three, milk-based protein shakes a day.  I can supplement this with tea or coffee, other no-calorie drinks, chicken or beef broth, sugar-free Jell-o and sugar-free ice pops.  And all the water I want.  For the first time in this process, I am scared.

Let's be honest here -- if I was any good at limiting what I eat, I would not be in the situation I am in, nor would I be undergoing such extreme measures to lose weight.  What if I try this and fail?  And if I can't maintain control for this week, what does that mean for me post-surgery?

Different people prepare for this step in different ways.  Some taper their shake-intake.  That had been my plan, and for the most part, I have been having a shake most days for breakfast.  I had hoped to increase that to two shakes a day this past week, but I decided to have a food funeral instead.  So for the last week, I've chosen foods that I love and have lived on, and enjoyed them one last time.

Interestingly, I found that I didn't love the foods as much as I thought.  I had a Big Mac and fries; I can live without them.  Sesame chicken, a staple, actually gave me an upset stomach.  The falafel sandwich I had been dreaming about didn't taste nearly as good as I remembered.  And I think I have had my fill of pizza for a long, long time.  My birthday burger and cosmo where great, but they were special occasion foods, so I am pretty okay with not having them again any time soon.

I am hoping that post-surgery, when I can go back to solid foods (about four weeks out), that I will be able to tolerate other foods I love, which are much healthier -- fish, eggs, vegetables.  I've never been a big red meat or pork eater, and I only eat chicken if someone else cooks it -- and even then there are no promises.  It does mean that I will need to plan better, make sure I have healthy food in the house, which can be cooked quickly.  I will need to remember to snack in the afternoon, so that I am not ravenous when I get home from work.

Focusing on the positives will help, starting with walking my dog.  Piper gets so excited whenever I pick up her leash -- she actually starts dancing!  And doing things, without wondering about whether or not I can get from the car to my final destination without huffing and puffing and sweating like a pig.  One of the things that I hope will keep me distracted during the difficult times is to create a list of things I want to do.  Some will be small -- walking to the library or going to the shore.  Others, more adventurous, including a possible 5K in some really fun location, or going to Nashville with my sister and my mom.  And then there are the experiences on my bucket list, which I had given up on -- traveling to South Africa and going on safari, going exploring in the Galapagos.

But for now, I am scared.