I call bullshit (sorry, mom)!

I did a lot of research before I had my sleeve. I joined online forums. I talked to people. Everyone said it was great. They made it sounds as if they sprang from the operating table and started running marathons, with no pain, no problems eating. 

I call bullshit.

Two days before I was scheduled for surgery, I had stopped taking in any calories at all. Just the thought of food, in any form, made me want to vomit. I still hadn't received insurance approval, and began to think that I was doing all of this for naught.  I yelled at the woman in the surgeon's office.  I had a crying jag at my desk. I was ready to call it all off.  Not because I was afraid of the surgery, but because I was afraid I would never be able to think about eating without vomiting again. I searched all the forums; no one wrote about this, no one complained about it.  So I figured, it would pass.

Hah.

I finally got insurance approval Tuesday morning.  Later that afternoon I received the call that I needed to be at the hospital by 11:30.  So I packed up my clothes, my books, my pup, and drove down to Belmar, where I planned to spend my recuperation period.  After a fairly sleepless night, I got up, and we headed to the hospital, where I was quickly checked in, given a gown, slippers, and lovely hair net, assigned a bed, and sat. And sat.  And sat.  Apparently, I was #7 on the docket, so it was after 5 p.m. when I finally went into surgery.  When I woke up in recovery, I was in terrible pain.  My throat was on fire, I couldn't speak, and my chest was so full of gas all I wanted to do was cry. 

After what seemed like hours, I was finally brought to a room.  As I was getting settled, there were two small children right outside my door, screaming and running all over the place.  My head was pounding, my body ached, and I was done being nice. I asked the nurse to make them leave and close my door.  Unfortunately, they belonged to the woman who was admitted to the bed next to me.  I wanted to scream.  A dose of morphine took care of that.

The following morning, I was feeling pretty good (regular doses of IV pain medicine), and walked around the floor a bit .  I was told walking would help with gas, but I walked to keep my mind off how thirsty I was.  I was going on 34 hours since my last sip of water, as I waited for my "leak test." They give you a few ounces of a very thick, awful tasting liquid, and then take x-rays to make sure it goes down the way it should without leaking or any blockages.  I passed, and my reward was diet lemonade, sugar free orange ice, and discharge.

When we got back to Belmar, I was greeted by my nephew, Alex, three dogs -- Piper, Lola and Brooklyn. It was nice to be "home."  Trying to be the good patient, I made a protein shake with diet decaf iced tea and plant-based protein, and nearly threw up all over the place.  There was no way I was going to be able to drink any of that.  I decided to give up on protein for the night, sip some water, and try again the next day.

Every sip of water that I took resulted in a terrible pressure down my chest, as the water flowed to my stomach.  My throat was still sore, gas was building up, and all the pain meds had worn off.  An allergy to codeine left me without any pain meds at all. My first day at home ended with dry heaves. Not an auspicious beginning.

The next morning, I tried a few sips of Isopure clear liquid protein drink in coconut; it cam right back up.  The  pain in my belly was getting worse, and even water was making me nauseous.  I was really worried there was something wrong with me; no one else had talked about these issues.  Once I asked the questions directly, though, I found that this was pretty common, and decided to just power through it.  I decided I would not try to get any proteins in, and would just focus on liquids.  Crystal light lemonade became my go-to.  For variety, I mixed it with diet decaf iced tea.  On the third day, I started drinking V8 juice, and celebrated keeping everything down.

Today is day 4. I was able to have a chocolate-banana protein shake (though it took me almost 2 hours to finish it).  I seem to have mastered sipping, and can even get water down again.  I've been able to swallow my BP pill (crushing it and trying to take it with jello led to more nausea).  And I've been able to walk about 1/4 mile with relative ease.

Am I glad I did this?  I honestly don't know yet.  I am down 20 pounds from my heaviest, 10 since surgery four days ago.  I am feeling better than I did, but am constantly concerned that the next thing I put in my mouth will make me vomit. 

I am pissed, though, at all those people who  made this process seem like sunshine and roses, because it isn't.  I wish had known how hard it would be, because then I would have been able to be better prepared mentally.